"THE KELEMAN THEOREM" AND THE DISHONESTY OF KIRUV RABBIS

In Permission to Receive, Rabbi Lawrence Kelemen introduces his readers to a concept known as "the Applewhite Theorem." For background, Marshall Applewhite was a cult leader who managed to convince a bunch of people to kill themselves in the hopes that an alien spaceship supposedly accompanying the Comet Hale–Bopp would bring them to Heaven's gate.

To explain why supposedly normal people would follow such a madman, the Applewhite Theorem says as follows:

(a) People are gullible and will believe anything, even claims that demand painful or suicidal observances; (b) as long as the claim cannot be checked.

Since the Heaven's Gate cult followers could not check Applewhite's claim, they were susceptible to falling for his nonsense. From there, Rabbi Keleman distinguishes the Sinai story from Applewhite's stories because, by the Sinai myth, the people being told about it could supposedly verify its authenticity by asking their parents if it ever happened.

(You can listen to Rabbi Keleman present this idea here at around the 15:35 - 15:55 mark.)

When I was a bocher, I remember being very impressed by this proto-Kuzari argument. Look, even the Applewhite Theorem supports the truth of Yiddishkeit!

But here is the thing, there is no fancy "Applewhite Theorem" out there in modern psychology textbooks. It is just some foolishness that Rabbi Keleman made up and slapped with a fancy name. In fact, if you Google "the Applewhite Theorem" the only websites that mention it as a scientific fact are Hidabroot, Arachim USA, SimpleToRemember.com, and some links to videos of Rabbi Keleman proving that God gave the Torah. That's it. Only Rabbi Keleman and Kiruv websites quoting him seem to know about this supposed theorem As far as Google is concerned, the only other time that the word "Applewhite" appears in the same sentence with the word "theorem" is in the book Mathematics Frontiers where Denise Applewhite discusses using elliptic curves to prove Fermat's last theorem.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that something utterly remarkable was afoot. The most ironic irony was manifest in a way that, if I did not know better, seemed eerily divine. For ten years of my life, I had been duped by Rabbi Keleman into believing an important fact that could have been debunked had I spent less than four seconds fact-checking him on Google.

So Rabbosi, without further ado, allows me to present my own "Keleman Theorem." It goes as follows:

(a) People are gullible and will believe anything, even claims that are instantly disprovable; (b) as long as it confidently presented as a sound and undisputed scientific principle (preferably by appending the word Theorem to the end of the idea.)

Getting serious for a moment. So here is the thing. It was dishonest of Rabbi Keleman to make up a silly idea and brand it as some sort of "theorem" to convince gullible BTs that he was referencing some well known scientific fact. Shame on you Rabbi Keleman - I looked up to you and I am sad that you demeaned yourself with this lie.

Bonus round: You might think that there is little more to add to this story, but there is a strange plot twist. On the Hidabroot website, in the Ask the Rabbi section, a questioner references Rabbi Keleman's video and asks point-blank for a scientific source to "the Applewhite Theorem." This is the question:

Dear Rabbi, http://www.hidabroot.com/video/178609/Rabbi-Lawrence-Kelemen/Torahs-Divine-Origin—Step-22—The-Applewhite-Theorem Is there an academic source for the Applewhite theorem? Thank You

(https://ask.hidabroot.fr/shut/applewhite-theorem/)

The Rabbi responds with two sources. One is his own novel interpretation of a pasuk in Devarim. This source can obviously be disregarded because, for all his probable wonderfulness, the Hidaboot Rabbis' personal interpretation of a pasuk in Devarim hardly qualifies for what the questioner asked for, namely, an academic source for Rabbi Keleman's "Applewhite Theorem." Yet the Rabbi also brings another, more reputable source as the genesis of "the Applewhite Theorem," namely, Dr. Kevin S. Seybold. Ok. Interesting. Now we are talking. If Dr. Kevin S. Seybold, a university professor at Goucher College created "the Applewhite Theorem," then it might very well have validity. Unfortunately, that is not quite true.

This is what the Rabbi responded to the questioner's request for an academic source for "the Applewhite Theorem."

“Dr. Kevin S. Seybold calls it (emphasis added) “the seemingly universal tendency of humans to worship something.” In recent years a number of scientists have reached the conclusion that humans are, in fact, inherently inclined to look for a deeper meaning in life."

According to Jewish belief, every human being has an innate need to worship something greater than himself.

Two ugly traits are rife in the Kiruv world: plagiarism and dishonesty. Unfortunately, both these traits are implicated in this short answer. If the Hidabroot Rabbi was honest he would have said. "Dear questioner, I am unable to provide an academic source because there is no source in academia that created "the Applewhite Theorem." Rabbi Keleman made it up. Have a great day."

But no such luck. That would require honesty and transparency. Instead, the Rabbi intimates that "the Applewhite Theorem" was created by a university professor (“Dr. Kevin S. Seybold calls it...). For the record, Dr. Kevin S. Seybold wrote a book discussing the interface between natural physical processes and religion. He is not talking about Applewhite, nor does he say any truism about the limits of human gullibility. Dr. Seybold would likely be appalled if he knew that he was in any way pinned as the source for Rabbi Keleman's ridiculous "Theorem."

To add insult to injury, I noticed something else fishy about the Rabbi's answer - he did not reference any actual citation for his source. Most people, when they are asked for an academic reference, provide some sort of citation to allow the reader to check the original source. Strange. The mystery was quickly solved by putting the quote into a google search. It turns out that the Rabbi had simply stolen from whole cloth a paragraph from an essay on the Jehovah's Witnesses website.

There, in an article entitled "Where Can You Find Answers?" they write:

Dr. Kevin S. Seybold calls it “the seemingly universal tendency of humans to worship something.” In recent years a number of scientists have reached the conclusion that humans are, in fact, inherently inclined to look for a deeper meaning in life.

https://www.jw.org/en/library/magazines/g200812/Where-Can-You-Find-Answers/

Dear Hidabroot Rabbi manning the Ask the Rabbi Desk: If you are going to steal from the Jehovah's Witnesses website to fabricate a veneer of authenticity for the ridiculous and made up stupidity embodied in Rabbi Keleman's "Applewhite Theorem," at least have the decency to give Yoshke'nicks credit. Didn't you realize that your theft can be exposed in one 0.32 seconds long Google search? There is only one plausible explanation for the Rabbi's behavior: Witness the Keleman Theorem in action

Extra bonus round: If you made it this far, here is a fun epilogue. After a posted a link to this article on my Facebook, someone left the following comment:

After I ceased being religious, someone sent me a Lawrence Kelemen book, hoping I would see the light. Kelemen claims in the author bio to have been a graduate student at Harvard. I suspected this claim was false, in part because of Kelemen’s pretentious writing style. As such, I contacted Harvard’s Alumni Records Office at (617) 495-2371 to inquire about whether Kelemen’s claim was true. I was told that he was not in the alumni directory, and as such, there is a 99.9% chance he did not attend Harvard. However, if I knew which school he went to, I could contact that school directly, to be 100% certain.

I emailed Kelemen that I saw a rumor on-line that he didn’t go to Harvard. As such, I wanted to know which school he went to and the years so I could verify with Harvard’s Office of Alumni Relations that he was student there. I did not write that I was the person who started spreading this information on-line, as I was hoping Kelemen would respond. I figured he was more likely to respond to someone he thought was sympathetic to him than someone seeking to challenge his claims. The next paragraph is the response I received from someone named Chana.

“While teaching at YULA, Rabbi Kelemen attended a continuing education program at the Harvard Graduate School of Education run by Dr. Jerry Friedman during the summers of 1986 and 1987. The program focused on the theories of Moral Education espoused by Dr. Friedman's mentor, Lawrence Kohlberg. Rabbi Kelemen was one of a few dozen educators from around the USA who was selected to participate in this program. Since the continuing education program did not award degrees, but just continuing education units, it is unlikely that Rabbi Kelemen or any of that program's participants would be listed as Harvard alumni (and that is probably how the rumor you saw on the internet got started). However, you can easily confirm that indeed Rabbi Kelemen was a participant in that program by contacting Dr. Friedman, who lives in Los Angeles and was the founder of Shalhevet High School there.”

Kelemen’s claim to have been a graduate student at Harvard because he attended a “continuing education program” there is rather dishonest.

I forgot about this until I read this Facebook post. I just checked Kelemen’s website, and see he no longer makes this claim. On his revised profile, he also no longer claims to have graduated from UCLA, so I am wondering if he made that up as well. If I were really interested in trying to expose him, I would do a search with the National Student Clearinghouse to determine if this is true. However, I am at the point in my life where I do not care enough about exposing phony kiruv clowns to want to pay the $30.00 fee.

But wait, there's more! A quick Google search of "Lawrence Kelemen Harvard" yields dozens of websites featuring his old bio. Here is one:

LAWRENCE KELEMEN is a Professor of Education at Neve Yerushalayim College of Jewish Studies for Women in Jerusalem, where he lectures undergraduate and graduate students in modern and medieval philosophy. After receiving his undergraduate degree from UCLA, Professor Kelemen continued with his graduate studies at Harvard University, and later completed 12 years of post-graduate field research in the Middle East. Professor Kelemen brings to his lectures and writings his impressive academic background, as well as a myriad of life experiences, including those of a newspaper editor, skiing instructor and radio anchorman. Now an accomplished lecturer and author, Professor Kelemen electrifies parents, teachers, and university students across North and South America, Europe and the Middle with his wit, humor, wisdom and gifts of insight into the essence of living a meaningful life. Professor Kelemen is the author of Permission to Believe (1990) Permission to Receive (1994), and To Kindle a Soul (2001), and he is the translator of the classical text of ancient pedagogical theory, Planting and Building (1999) I want to focus on one line: "After receiving his undergraduate degree from UCLA, Professor Kelemen continued with his graduate studies at Harvard University, and later completed 12 years of post-graduate field research in the Middle East." I remember reading this line as a bachur. It was mightily impressive. The impression given is that Rabbi Keleman spent 12 years as an academic conducting research, evoking images of Dian Fossey spending her life studying gorillas in the bush or William F. Albright conducting digs in the middle east. Looking at his bio now, I am absolutely convinced that "12 years of post-graduate field research in the Middle East" is Rabbi Keleman's fancy way of saying that he became a Baal Teshuva and dropped academia for a kollel life.