Meshulachim: An OTD perspective

Since going OTD, my perception and attitude towards Mishulachim/collectors has drastically changed. When I was in kollel, my heart ached for the poor masses that trekked from Eretz Yisroel to America. Their stories were often heartbreaking. They often had 9+ children, lived in tiny cramped apartments, were millions of shekalim in debt from marrying their older children, and they or their family suffered from a litany of miserable heath issues. I felt terrible for these fathers who needed to leave their family for long stretches of time to a strange foreign country where they were often viewed as nuisances and forced to debase themselves for handouts.

I did not have that much money, but when I was frum, I would give these collectors quite generously. I only started tamping down once word spread amongst the meshulachim of my largesse, and my home became a regular stop - making it impossible to maintain the same level of generosity. (There was an ugly few weeks where people came to my door hoping for a large payout only to receive a dollar or two. Many of them became belligerent, refusing to leave until I upped my donation. Some of them would start crying. Others would invite themselves in and launch into large devri Torah, hoping that I would somehow be convinced to up my amount.) Still, throughout my time in Kollel, I would do my best to accompany meshulachim when the chance arose, driving them around or simply standing next to them as moral support as they knocked on endless doors.

Once I went OTD, I found myself losing a lot of empathy. I believe that there are several reasons:

1 - I started noticing too many "regulars": people who seemed to haunt my doorpost, returning every few months with a new tale of woe. The regular and repeated asks for money made it clear that collecting was simply a business for many of these people. Some people go to Alaska to fish and return home once the salmon season is over, and others come to America and shnorr until they make enough to justify coming home.

2 - I also began sensing that many Israeli collectors looked down on us Americans. We were all rich, fat, lazy, and less intelligent and sharp-witted than them in their eyes. Perhaps their sense of superiority was a reaction to protect their ego from the fact that they were forced to debase themselves and ask for money. I do not know. Honestly, my feelings from interacting with many meshulachim were that most of them felt little shame in asking for money - we were dehumanized "marks" and part of a larger numbers game.

3 - The whole system seemed messed up, and every time a meshuchlach approached me, I could not help but view their financial straights as self-inflicted. What was the plan?!

Step 1: Have 10 kids.

Step 2: Learn in kollel, avoid learning a profession and blame the evil Tzionisha Medinah for all your problems.

Step 3: Promise to buy each of your son-in-laws apartments as a precondition of them marrying your daughter in the screwed-up system that our society has created so the next generation can perpetuate the system entitlements and not working.

Step 4: Borrow money for the apartments and weddings through a vast shadowy network of gemachim - taking amounts far over any amount that you have a reasonable chance of repaying in your lifetime.

Step 5: Come to America and hound the stupid rich people there to pay off your debts.

I understand that the person standing in front of me collecting is a victim of his society - he did not choose to be indoctrinated in this ridiculous system - nevertheless, I find it hard to muster empathy for their plight. I do not want to be part of this broken system. I have far far more empathy for someone who is trying to put his life together and start a business or learn a trade who is struggling to make it than someone who wants my money as part of a dumpster fire train wreck garbage heap of narcissistic un-self-aware insanity e that is the CHaradi lifestyle in Eretz Yisroel.

4 - Covid. I really stopped having sympathy for the meshulachim once they began knocking on everyone's doors during Covid - serving as textbook-perfect examples of vectors for infections disease. Initially, many of them had the courtesy of wearing masks and stepping back after they knocked on the door - but that awareness is long gone. I have about 4-6 mishulachim who knock on my door a week, every week. For the past several months, not a single one of them has worn a mask or practiced social distancing.

Again I understand that they are a victim of their community. They did not choose to grow up in magic la-la land where their relaxed morning seder protects the country more than the Nazi Chelonim in the army who want to destroy Yiddishkeit. This sort of thinking inevitably leads to ignoring science and health experts. Still, my empathy has thinned and I have little patience for them.

As a final thought: I am sad about my changed perspective. Perhaps it is not the product of going OTD, but rather just the natural maturing of opinions that come with age. Nevertheless, I like to believe that I am more empathetic and concerned with human welfare as an OTD person than as a yeshiva guy. As such, it bothers me that I have so little sympathy for their plight. I wonder if there is some perspective that I am missing on this topic? Any thoughts would be appreciated well.